When I Have My Period
after Olivia Gatwood
I take a Midol from Mom
and get a tampon from
the bathroom attendant.
She gives me the scissors
without me having to ask.
In the stall, I bend my knees
and put the tampon in
and then I put the scissors
as close as possible
without actually touching
and cut the string.
I stick my finger in
and push the tampon
a little further
and call it a magic trick.
If you complain
about working while bleeding,
there will always be an echo,
You make so much more money
this way, they can smell it,
they don’t know it
but they love it.
I remember when I looked up
to Asa Akira and learned about
pornstars using makeup sponges
to soak up the blood so they can still
get fucked on camera and I learn then,
at twelve years old
that we know everything
we are everything
and they only know
what they can see.
I am in a private room,
the only one they have
at this club
in Scranton, Pennsylvania
and I am completely nude,
bending and spreading
and the light is hitting
and the men are cheering
and no one can tell
that I have a tampon in.
And I feel powerful
in my secret.
The man tells me,
I would move Heaven and Earth
for your pussy.
At the end of the night,
I try to dig out the tampon
while laying legs spread
on the bathroom floor,
but I can’t get it
because my nails
are too long,
scratching against
the soft pink walls.
My friend says,
Here, let me help you
and plucks the bloody cotton
from my insides.